 |
|||
|
|||
 |
Where Oh Where Has Your Contractor Gone?By Jim Sulski Summary: Jim takes a humorous look at where contractors disappear to once your home is torn apart. First of all, for the record, I tend to think of contractors as pretty keen
guys. I really like them, I do. But like many of you, I'm somewhat baffled by them. They seem so anxious and eager to come into your home, tear it apart and make it better. But then, somewhere in that process, they disappear. You can call them, page them, and, in some cases, even email them. But, poof, they're gone - like your tax refund a day or so after you get it. And in the meantime, you're left to look at exposed walls and coils of wiring and plumbing fixtures, all the time pondering deeply if your life will ever get back to normal. Then, just about the time you're ready to move, they show up again, like some sort of Chicago alley cat, a smile on their face, ready to finish the job. And similar to David Lynch film, they act like nothing is out of whack. It seems that some contractors are so good at this that they have been trained by the CIA in clandestine measures. I'm not sure where these guys go when they disappear. But I've got a few theories. For example: • A sporting event: Being a guy's guy (meaning, they have more tools than anyone you know and you are in awe of that), a contractor likes his sports. So if it's a beautiful and warm spring day, and the Cubs or Sox are hosting, there is a good chance that you can locate your missing contractor at either Wrigley or Comiskey Park. Check the seats close to the beer stand. • Your neighbor's house (either side): Because contractors are always looking for their next job, there is a good chance that when they disappear, they are no more than a stone's throw away. Has your neighbor recently mentioned that they may be seeking to have some work done on their home? Then it's a safe bet that while your back was turned, the very moment you took your eyes off your contractor, that neighbor waved them over and lured them in - maybe with a warm plate of cookies. By the way, don't expect your neighbor, who would also love to have their home improvement work done in a timely fashion (meaning months before your work is finished), to be a stoolie on your contractor. Ask them if they happen to see your contractor and they'll roll their eyes and shrug their shoulders. And when the electric saw goes off in the background, they'll probably mutter something about those "damn mutant South American termites". • The closest recreational waterway: For some reason, every contractor I have ever met has had owned some sort of a water craft. And you know the story about a boat. It's a very expensive hobby that you can only revel in during the nine days of good boating weather Chicago has. So, no contest. • The shopping excursion: Because most contractors are basically procrastinators, they're not the type of person who is going to have a gift prepared for their significant other's birthday, anniversary, etc. So come the big day, they're in a panic and will most likely bolt to the closest shopping mall they can find. There, they will wander aimlessly, or at least walk back and forth in front the Victoria's Secret shop for hours. (A couple of suggestions here: ask your contractor for the important dates in his life. Then, set up a marker board calendar in your house with a countdown clock reminding him of these fast approaching deadlines. You can also offer items and furnishings from around your home as substitutes for store-bought presents to the contractor.) • Prison: Not the best of the options here. Let's only hope the contractor
wasn't doing concrete work on your basement floor. © by Jim Sulski. All rights reserved. February 9, 2005. NOTE: This column is distributed by Real Estate Matters Syndicate, PO Box 366, Glencoe, Illinois, 60022. This column may not be resold, reprinted, resyndicated or redistributed without written permission from the publisher. © 2005 by Ilyce R. Glink. Distributed by Real Estate Matters Syndicate. |
 |
|
|
|
RSS Feeds
|
